Noodle-doodles? Dear me, I'm getting old. In my day it was baked beans.

You know what I like about Comic Relief? The way they're willing to throw incredibly harrowing short films about homelessness in Glasgow or genocide in Darfur slap in the middle of a not-very-good comedy sketch. You can almost sense millions of people shuffling nervously away from the TV to make some tea and hoping that the orphans won't still be on-screen when they get back. It's shameless emotional manipulation of a blatant - and unintentionally hilarious - sort.

My favourite one was the Vicar of Dibley episode, where for most of the episode it's business as usual, and then at the end Dawn French says "But wait, people are *actually dying* in Africa" and the whole cast stares with a very serious expression at the audience whilst holding pictures of dead babies. For a whole minute.