Oh Arthur!!! That looks *brilliant* - I would totally be seen in public with it, but then I have no shame. I guess an English degree liberates you from any concerns about your discrimination because if anyone gives you grief you can turn round and sneer about having read Joyce. Unfortunately I imagine it would turn out to be like "Vampirates" - one of those books that look to good on the surface on actually be any good within.

Yeah, it's probably one of those things where you can guess how it will go from the cover - and those parts you can't guess will be worse than the versioun you thought up.

Let's see... obviously, the blue guy on the cover is going be torn between the two blue girls and will end up going with both of them at some point during the proceedings, only for them to die mysteriously. Suspicion is on the inexplicably blue Cameron but it was actually Ophelia all along, who identifies Cameron with Hamlet for reasons best known to herself. For some reason, Cameron's mother and aunt come along to Denmark with them, and in an encounter with a ghost - either a chance meeting with his father or a romantic dinner with Ophelia - Cameron learns that his aunt and mother murdered his father because Mrs Dean had fallen in love with her sister-in-law, who embodies all of middle America's worst suspicions about lesbians. There is a certain amount of poisoning and Cameron eventually lives happily ever after with the blue woman of his blue choice. I suspect the middle one because she seems plucky and strong and therefore unlikely to die.

Yes the blue people are somewhat mystifying, I can only presume it's to heighten their literal and metaphorical distance from Ophelia who happens to be green. Personally my money is on the chick off to the right because the centre-chick looks pouty and spoiled to me. Also the chick to the right although her skin-tone is, err, blue looks like she's of non-Caucasian descent and it would be politically incorrect to have her killed off. Also I think you're underplaying the football jock angle - like Chekhov said if there's gun there on on the wall you have to shoot the damn thing. I reckon our blue three-some having hero has to somehow score the winning goal before Ophelia can be put to rest. Also is it me or is Ophelia about the least threatening zombie you can think of? What's she gonna do, drop flowers on us?

She will stare at us.

With her blue eyes.

The only part of her body that isn't green.

We will realise that she is slightly cross-eyed, and say "Are you alright?"

"Murrrrrr," she will say.