Books:
This has been another lively month, with attention focused on a number of heavyweight literary biographies. Hot on the heels of Gunther Grass's confession that he was once a member of the Waffen SS, new research unearthed the shocking revelation that Kingsley Amis wasn't. Publishers are also feeling the effects of new legislation which blocks criminals from cashing in on their offences by selling their stories; the main effect of the new Free Speech Is A Civil Right But Only If You're A Really Nice Person Act this month has been to scupper the publication of a number of potentially noteworthy political memoirs, including the shocking true story of Tony "Fingers" Blair. Finally, AA Gill's latest offering Prior Assurances: Projects All Over the Place is packed with his usual blend of wit, wisdom and metaphors as mixed as a jellyfish in a blender on the Titanic in a hurricane on top of a gay pizza from Mars. Or something.

Film:
More revitalised superhero stunt-fests this month, in the form of Spiderman vs Doc Croc. Croc as in Crockery, not Crocodile; having run out of ideas for high tech solutions, the fiendish Doctor opts for the simple expedient of putting the much-loved arachnoid on a giant Daily Bugle under a giant mug and shaking him out of the window. Croc's girlfriend insists that he'll only crawl in again, but it seems Spidey really does have no comeback for that one.

TV:
Since the Department for Social Inclusion and Toothbrush Inspecting made its recent announcement that every teenager in Britain will be given the opportunity to appear in a Channel Five reality TV programme at least once, producers have been forced to come up with ever more creative concepts to fit them all in. Asbo Teen to Sex Machine follows the lives of a dozen disaffected youths as they are sent on an intensive week of residential training to enable them to walk, talk and dress like soul funk legend James Brown, for no apparent reason. Also providing cheap entertainment of undetermined pointfulness are Reading Gaol TV Productions' Delinquent Child to Oscar Wilde, the palaeontology-inspired Angry Kid to Hominid, and the utterly compelling Womble-based Teenage Twat to Michael Batt. Meanwhile, on Channel 4, the text-in competition Bruv, Your Endz is Faaaaaaaar! has a bevy of celebrities disguised as teenagers attempting to find somewhere after nine o'clock they're actually allowed into. My money, as always, is on Janet Street Porter.

Music:
Setting the album charts on fire this Christmas is the seminal new cd of some original Beatles sessions Cut For A Reason. Among other fascinating material, it contains the sound of Ringo Starr blowing his nose, and is of unquestionable artistic merit. Other offerings include the double album Please Re-Release Me!, a compendium of the best of the bonus tracks of the remastered versions of the compilations of the last five decades, and Now! That's What I Call A Load Of Really Very Bad Cover Versions, which is self-explanatory.