Civilization 2
I've been having a bit of a Civilization 2 revival , on account of the fact that the cd-rom player on the good computer is broken, and the crap computer can't handle anything as complex as Civ3, let alone 4. (And wtf, I may add - I mean really wtF - is with only bringing out Civ Revolutions for the X-Box? That's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard! X-Box players aren't going to have the fabian patience and exquisitely honed capacity for unexpected eeeeeewil required to be good at Civ. Unless it's a very different game where, once your citizens start rioting, you to dress up as a little Elvis and run around the city beating them to death with a guitar. Which, on reflection, isn't stupid at all; I'd enjoy that a lot.) Anyway, I've decided that Civ2 is the Best Civ. Admittedly it doesn't have culture or religion or zones of control or anything like that, but what it does have - and which is much, much better - is the option to decide your own titles. While winning as Louis XIV is nice and everything, nothing beats the buzz of reading "Great News, Cardinal Snarkypants of the Ferrets! The happy citizens of Kyraville are having a celebration in your honour!"
A Shot at Love 2 with Tila Tequila
Now, before we begin, I would like to make it entirely clear that I am not watching this. It happens to be broadcast, on a television which is switched on, in a room where I am sitting, but that doesn't mean I'm watching it. I'm absolutely not. The television is on because I am waiting for South Park. And I'm not watching it because it's now showing the single most obscene, preposterous, toxic thing I have ever witnessed on a screen. Lest you think I'm exaggerating, dear reader, let me explain: Tila Tequila is a bisexual ex-porn star, who looks a lot like a disturbing furryart version of a fluffy kitten and, if this show is anything to go by (and I pray to God it isn't), she divides her time between bouncing around in a bikini and openly communicating her feelings. So far, so annoying. But the premise of the show - and this is the part where those who haven't seen it start accusing me of making it up - is that Tila wants to find True Love and a stable, long-term relationship. And she does this, as any sensible, modern, empowered woman would, by making herself into a prize. On a gameshow. On MTV. Which is bad enough, but this being America, they keep interrupting the demeaning challenges and slightly-less-soft-than-you'd-expect-on-a-mainstream-channel-at-half-past-ten porn, so that everyone, Tila included, can get in a small room with a camera and have a good old yap about their internal thought processes. Which in the contestants' cases are usually "I think I'm really falling for Tila, I think she's really special and I've got so much respect for her", and in Tila's case "I really like Contestant X, I just wish he or she could open up a little bit more, I'm not really seeing what's inside." Tila, darling, all your contestants are as open as a hole in the ground - it's not for lack of openness that you ain't seeing anything down there. I mean, don't get me wrong, I would be really happy if Ms Tequila (if that is your real name...) finds True Love and happiness by being a prize on a gameshow on MTV. But the single most heartbreaking thing about this whole farrago of depressingness is that this is A Shot At Love TWO. I hope that doesn't mean what I think it means.
Don't Cha? By the Pussycat Dolls
Yes - speaking of the rise of the human/disturbing furryart hybrid, let us address for a moment the phenomenon that is the Pussycat Dolls. I think Pussycat Dolls is an excellent name for a band, provided that the band in question a) relies mainly on goth/industrial inspired dirty power chords, b) consists mainly or entirely of men in makeup and PVC pants and c) is from Scandinavia. I think it's a very bad name when the band consists of a) pussycats, b) dolls, or c) The Pussycat Dolls. I have very little to say about this song, except that it's crap. And it's also quite clearly written by someone who's never had a girlfriend. Because if you have ever actually had a girlfriend, you know that hot is the last thing you want them to be. That way lies much fidgeting, splaying, insisting on sleeping with the door open, and dumping all the duvet on you. I wish my girlfriend to be maintained at an ambient temperature of 21.1 C at all times, thank you.
An advert by L'Oreal
For face cream for women who are "not ready for cosmetic surgery". Made by advertisers who are, apparently, not ready to take a flying fuck at an aphid's arsehole.
BBC News 24
Currently talking about the "credit crunch", and trying to find a way of explaining to the general what has happened without making the whole thing sound utterly, utterly moronic (which, of course, it is). Brokers who deal mainly in imaginary money have suddenly found out that they have a lot less imaginary money than they originally thought they did, which has dented the confidence of banks in the aforesaid imaginary money, and made them a lot less willing to pay out real money in order to imagine that they have it instead of the brokers. Fortunately this is all being explained by Robert Peston, the BBC business editor, whose presenting style is unique to say the least. He sounds like a French person reading Shakespeare. Inorderto LIVEN his presentation he. PAUSES in completelyrandom places, then speeds UP, addingvarious. Levels OF emphasis for noapparentreason. Plus, he still hasn't responded to my letter about how the world can resolve the current economic crisis. (I'm still not releasing it to the general public, but I'm sure Ferretbrain readers would be interested to know that it involves the exiled son of a Somali businessman, who only needs $5,000 to access his massive inheritance and looks on me - me! - as his most kindest benefactor, Deals on Wheels on the ItBox, and a lot of leprechauns.)
