In the beginning, there was the word, and the word was "pwned!" Nobody knew what it meant then, and nobody knows what it means now. However, it is generally thought by eminent Internet Historians that internet culture began when Adam and Eve and some random troll calling himself "ThE_SeRpEnT" failed to abide by the forum rules, and were banned for life by the Moderator.

There is another, minority viewpoint which claims that this is a misreading of the original text, and that the Garden was, in fact, inhabited by Adam and Steve. Adam and Steve spent their time photoshopping pictures of their body parts, and invented online sex. Eventually, though, they met up in real life, and invented disappointment.

A third, neo-post-revisionist school claims that modern humans evolved from single-celled, amorphous protozoa without brains into progressively higher life forms. Nowadays, this viewpoint is only considered tenable by people who have never actually been online.

One of the earliest artefacts of Cultural History of Internet Culture is the Epic of Gilgamesh. The Epic contains a number of important "first" - notably the first dis and the first NSFW scenes. It also inspired the first fanfic, in the form of an alternate gay ending. Seriously.

The Ancient Egyptians did not have a usable alphabet, and communicated entirely using buddy icons and an impressive lexicon of over 35,000 different smilies. This became increasingly unsustainable, however, as people kept mistaking the eye-rolling smiley for the confused smiley, and conflating both with the I'm-going-to-sneeze smiley, (although nobody has yet worked out why anyone needs to message their friends to tell them that they are about to tell them they-re going to experience a semi-autonomous rhinitic spasm.)

The Trojan Flamewar happened when the Trojans and the Argives got into a mass hissyfit over who was the buffest and battered each-other to death with bronze handbags. It was during this conflict that Achillies invented the sulk, becoming the first ever emo kid. To this day, descendents of the Argives liberally decorate their forum posts with animated smilies depicting a stream of victorious warriors pouring out of a big wooden horse and pwnign everybody in sight. This is the origin of the saying "beware of Greeks bearing .gifs"

In Athens, Socrates spent his life wandering around telling people they were wrong. He attracted a large following of students, who also enjoyed telling people they were wrong, and this formed the nucleus of the first wiki. Unfortunately, his efforts were not appreciated by the Athenians, who predictably responded with the famous Hemlock Post: "u r so ugly y dont u just go and kill urself PS u r gay."

The Romans were practical and built roads and had an empire. They therefore did not contribute much to the cultural history of internet culture. However, they did write a very important prose work called "Lorem ipsum". Contrary to popular belief, Lorem ipsum is real Latin, and contains secretly encoded directions to Julius Caesar's secret hidden gold. All the intelligent people are giving up their day-jobs to the task of cracking the enigma as I speak.

The early Middle Ages is sometimes known as the Age of Saints, and also the Age of Dissing. Everyone devoted huge amounts of energy to disrespecting everyone else, except Saint Augustine, who had no mates and instead was forced to fall back on the expedient of disrespecting himself. This technique reached its apotheosis in 1995 with the release of "I Wish I Was A Little Bit Taller", by Skee-lo. It has not been bettered since. Other cultural inventors during the Age of Saints were Prioress Hildegard von Bingen (opera), St Bede (analytic history), St Elmo (muppets), St Adnam (biography) and St Benedict (eggs).

The culture of the High Middle Ages was a lot like being in the first year of high school, since it mainly involved copying things out and getting maimed. Understandably, monks began to get bored of copying things out and started to introduce subtle variations into their texts. This is why so few people know the real story of Adam and Steve. It is also why most codices of the Historia Regnum Brittanica contain passages that run: "put your choristers on shuffle and write down the first five chants they come out with, no matter how embarrassing."

During the Late Middle Ages, some bright spark invented the printing press, which meant that every drooling halfwit could scribble their opinions down and impose them on the general public. This coincided unfortunately with the discovery of America. It was also the cause of the Protestant Reformation, which led to the European Flamewars of Religion. It is a well known fact that 44% of all internet flamewars today are caused by religious trolling, rising to 97.9% if you include religions that originated in the Star Wars universe.

Also during the Late Middle Ages lived Lady Godiva, who was the world's earliest camgirl. She wasn-t the first person to take off her clothes in order to get people to give her money and buy her things. However, she was the first person to declare that "it's, like, totally liberating and like empowered and stuff."

In 17th Century Europe, people mainly spent their time inventing new kinds of Christianity, because after the Flamewars of Religion it was generally decided to have a free speech policy, otherwise the entire population would be Banned for Life by the Moderator and there would be no-one left. Among them were the Seekers, who sought enlightenment in the search for enlightenment itself, the Diggers, who sought enlightenment in digging, the Levellers, who sought enlightenment in folk rock, the Adamites, who sought enlightenment in not wearing clothes, and the Adam And Steveites, who sought enlightenment in only wearing really nice clothes.

The Industrial Revolution massively increased production, and meant that the necessities of life became abundant, cheap, and easy to produce with the minimum labour. This meant that everyone had to work much harder. From this, it can be discerned that the Victorians were all mad. This was known as the Age of Commerce, and the entire world turned into e-Bay. During this period, Charles Darwin produced his Theory of Evolution, which was considered very serious trolling at the time. The most famous exchange took place in a debate with Samuel Wilberforce, the Bishop of Oxford. Darwin stated that human beings had risen by process of natural selection from the apes. Bishop Wilberforce replied -"UR MOMMA IS GORILLA! AND UR DAD IS MONKEY WITH BIG RED BUTT!" The Victorian Age was a very philosophically vibrant one, so people typed in caps a lot.

The first half of the twentieth century was very bad, because lots of trolls managed to hack the system and become moderators. The result was a major world war, and America became the Admins of the World. They spent the second half of the twentieth century forcing everybody to listen to Elvis Presley and drink Coca Cola. Then people got bored of that and invented the internet, so they could pretend to be an elf and watch porn and call people names in chatrooms.

Nothing much has happened since then.